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Publication #FAR0053

 

Grandparents Parenting1

Suzanna Smith2

Parenting is definitely not an easy job at any time in life, and grandparents who are raising their grandchildren are faced with unexpected and often difficult challenges. Grandchildren are often "mixed up" about their feelings. They feel love and deep appreciation for their grandparents, but can be anxious and confused about their parents. Grandchildren may worry that they did something wrong (and that's why their parent is not with them), concerned that they will never see their parent again, and scared that they will also lose their grandparent and be alone.

Sometimes children "act out" these feelings because they don't know how to put their feelings into words. They may have problems eating or sleeping, and they may misbehave at school or home.

"Grandparents can do a lot to reassure their grandchildren that their mixed feelings…are normal" (Miles, n.d., p. 1). Just talking with children about their fears, anger, and hurts "helps to keep these feelings from turning into negative behavior" (Miles, n.d., p.1).

Also, grandparents can give their grandchild positive attention. Positive attention begins with thinking in positive ways about your grandchildren. This is followed by listening and refraining from criticizing, and praising their good behavior and accomplishments. Finally, instead of saying "Don't do this," tell your grandchildren directly and kindly what you want them to do instead. All these actions are powerful means of showing your grandchildren you care.

Listening, learning, and living together: it's the science of life. "Family Album" is a co-production of University of Florida IFAS Extension, the Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, and of WUFT-FM. If you'd like to learn more, please visit our website at http://www.familyalbumradio.org.

To listen to the radio broadcast:

http://www.radiosource.net/radio_stories/286.mp3

http://www.radiosource.net/radio_stories/286.wav

References

AARP. (2005). State fact sheets for grandparents and other relatives raising children. Retrieved October 5, 2005, from http://www.aarp.org/research/family/grandparenting/aresearch-import-488.html

Ferrer, M. & Falcone, A. (2002). Grandparents raising grandchildren: Understanding your grandchild's behavior (FSC2186). Gainesville: Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, Florida Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida. Retrieved October 5, 2005, from http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/FY427

Kooiker, M., & Peavey, G. (2003). Disciplining your grandchildren, Polk/Burnett grandparents raising grandchildren newsletter, 2(3). University of Wisconsin Extension. Retrieved October 4, 2005, from http://www.uwex.edu/ces/cty/burnett/flp/documents/Summer2003GRGnews.pdf

Kvols, K. (1995). 9 things to do instead of spanking. Retrieved [June 27, 2011] from http://www.seaviewpeds.com/9thingsspanking.pdf

Mader, S. L. (2001). Grandparents raising their grandchildren (FLM-AS-25-01). The Ohio State University Extension.

Miles, C. S. (n.d.). Grandparents raising grandchildren. West Virginia Extension Service Publication number WLG 240. Retrieved October 4, 2005, from http://www.wvu.edu/~exten/infores/pubs/fypubs/240.wlg.pdf

Footnotes

1.

This document is FAR0053, one of a series of the Family Youth and Community Sciences Department, Florida Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida. Broadcast as program 286. Published March 2009. Revised March 2009. Reviewed March 2012. In the interest of time and/or clarity, the broadcast version of this script may have been modified. Visit the EDIS website at http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu.

2.

Suzanna Smith, associate professor, Department of Family, Youth and Community Services, Cooperative Extension Sciences, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida, Gainesville, FL 32611.

The Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences (IFAS) is an Equal Opportunity Institution authorized to provide research, educational information and other services only to individuals and institutions that function with non-discrimination with respect to race, creed, color, religion, age, disability, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, national origin, political opinions or affiliations. For more information on obtaining other extension publications, contact your county Cooperative Extension service.

U.S. Department of Agriculture, Cooperative Extension Service, University of Florida, IFAS, Florida A. & M. University Cooperative Extension Program, and Boards of County Commissioners Cooperating. Nick T. Place, Dean.