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Publication #FAR0809

 

Children and Lying1

Diana Converse and Kate Fogarty2

Figure 1. 
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Parents usually feel upset when they notice their child lying. But before we brand a child a liar, we need to consider the child's developmental stage and the motives behind the lying.

Preschool-aged children may exaggerate because they have trouble separating wish from reality. A child may say, "I am the smartest kid ever." Adults need to understand that what the statement means to the child is that they are confident in their abilities and value intelligence.

From age 4 on, children can tell the difference between lies and truth and between wrong and right, respectively. Children lie for the same reasons adults do: to avoid getting in trouble, to feel powerful or take advantage of a situation, to keep a secret, or help a friend. By ages 5 to 6, a child can tell whether a listener believes a lie, and between 7 and 8 years, understands that not only what they say but their motives behind what is said can be judged. At 10 to 11 years of age, children can lie successfully.

Knowing this information leads us to think . . . what's a parent to do? Leading by example is key. A survey found adults admitted to lying more than 10 times a week! Also, when you find your child is lying, don't be quick to anger. Take time to calm down before dealing with the lie. Find out the message of and motive behind the lie. Explain the consequences of lying and use consequences to help your child develop his or her conscience.

Listening, learning, and living together: it's the science of life. "Family Album" is a co-production of University of Florida IFAS Extension, the Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, and of WUFT-FM. If you'd like to learn more, please visit our website at http://www.familyalbumradio.org.

To listen to the radio broadcast:

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Refernces

Stott, F. (2005). The surprising truth about why children lie. Early Childhood Today,19(5), 8-9.

University of Arkansas Division of Agriculture. (2006). What to do when your child lies. Retrieved September 4, 2007, from http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/parenting/guide/do_when_child_lies.htm.

Footnotes

1.

This document is FAR1707, one of a series of the Family Youth and Community Sciences Department, Florida Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida. Broadcast as program 314. Published January 2007. Reviewed March 2012. In the interest of time and/or clarity, the broadcast version of this script may have been modified. Visit the EDIS website at http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu.

2.

Diana Converse, Extension Agent III, Hillsborough County, and Kate Fogarty, assistant professor, Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida, Gainesville, FL 32611.

The Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences (IFAS) is an Equal Opportunity Institution authorized to provide research, educational information and other services only to individuals and institutions that function with non-discrimination with respect to race, creed, color, religion, age, disability, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, national origin, political opinions or affiliations. For more information on obtaining other extension publications, contact your county Cooperative Extension service.

U.S. Department of Agriculture, Cooperative Extension Service, University of Florida, IFAS, Florida A. & M. University Cooperative Extension Program, and Boards of County Commissioners Cooperating. Nick T. Place, Dean.