University of FloridaSolutions for Your Life

Download PDF
Publication #FAR0057

 

Setting Limits and Standing Firm1

Diana Converse2

Figure 1. 
[Click thumbnail to enlarge.]

A toddler needs to learn quite early that he or she should not go beyond the fence or touch a hot stove. A teenager needs to have a reasonable, yet protective curfew. Setting clear limits for children and teens helps to give them boundaries for acceptable behavior.

Limits are at the foundation of parenting responsibility. They protect youth from physical and psychological harm, protect property, and promote respect for others. Limits also give children a sense of security and a sense of place.

It's wise to keep the number of limits or rules to the ones that really count. Be selective! Expecting too much can lower self-esteem and cause stress in your child. Children raised without limits may withdraw, too frightened to test the boundaries by themselves. Parents should use limits consistently so children aren't likely to get confused. Of course, as children grow older, their limits should change to reflect their developmental stage. In fact, as children grow, they often have wonderful ideas and opinions about limits. By involving them in discussions, parents are more likely to gain their children's cooperation in following rules.

Children will try to test their limits to see how parents respond. In testing the limit, children are testing their parents' love, as well as their commitment to their word and rules. All children need the security of limitations to their behavior, while at the same time needing to grow and explore their world.

Listening, learning, and living together: it's the science of life. "Family Album" is a co-production of University of Florida IFAS Extension, the Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, and of WUFT-FM. If you'd like to learn more, please visit our website at http://www.familyalbumradio.org.

To listen to the radio broadcast:

http://www.radiosource.net/radio_stories/322.mp3

http://www.radiosource.net/radio_stories/322.wav

Reference

Oliver, K. (n.d.) Setting limits and standing firm. Retrieved September 18, 2007, http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5317.html

Footnotes

1.

This document is FAR0057, one of a series of the Family Youth and Community Sciences Department, Florida Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida. Broadcast as program 322 and published March 2009. Revised October 2010. Reviewed March 2012. In the interest of time and/or clarity, the broadcast version of this script may have been modified. Visit the EDIS website at http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu.

2.

Diana Converse, Extension agent III, Hillsborough County, Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida, Gainesville, FL 32611.

The Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences (IFAS) is an Equal Opportunity Institution authorized to provide research, educational information and other services only to individuals and institutions that function with non-discrimination with respect to race, creed, color, religion, age, disability, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, national origin, political opinions or affiliations. For more information on obtaining other extension publications, contact your county Cooperative Extension service.

U.S. Department of Agriculture, Cooperative Extension Service, University of Florida, IFAS, Florida A. & M. University Cooperative Extension Program, and Boards of County Commissioners Cooperating. Nick T. Place, Dean.