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Publication #FAR0091

 

Helicopter Parents1

Suzanna Smith2

Are you a helicopter parent? This term refers to parents who hover over their child, fighting off threats to their child's success and happiness. Of course, we all want the best for our children, but helicopter parents keep children from succeeding—or failing—on their own. For instance, they take over a younger child's school projects. Parents of college students register them for their courses, question professors' grades, and even intervene in roommate disputes. Sociologists and psychologists point out that baby boomers are the first generation to focus so much attention on parenting and raising well-adjusted and fulfilled children. In the process, boomers often haven't pushed their children to be independent.

Eventually, this can hurt the child. They don't learn to solve their own problems or how to take responsibility for themselves. In addition, parents' mental health may suffer because they "base their own self-worth on their child's success" and "feel like a failure when [their] child fails" (College Board, 2006). Psychologists have found that parents who "judge their own self worth by their children's accomplishments report sadness" and anxiety, think about themselves in negative ways, and are less content with life in general (College Board, 2006; Penn State, 2006).

Hovering is not all bad all the time. Some children who are shy or have mild learning difficulties may need a parent to be involved. Parents and children like to be close. The key is to encourage your child to develop the independence they will need as an adult and to be there when they need you.

Listening, learning, and living together: it's the science of life. "Family Album" is a co-production of University of Florida IFAS Extension, the Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, and of WUFT-FM. If you'd like to learn more, please visit our website at http://www.familyalbumradio.org.

To listen to the radio broadcast:

http://www.radiosource.net/radio_stories/498.mp3

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References

College Board. (2006). Are you a helicopter parent? Retrieved August 9, 2005, from http://www.collegeboard.com/parents/plan/getting-ready/155044.html.

Paul, P. (2003). The permaparent. Psychology Today, Sept/Oct, 40-53.

Penn State Live. (2006, June 30). Eaton studies issues surrounding parent-child interactions. Retrieved August 9, 2006, from http://live.psu.edu/story/18457.

Shellenberger, S. (2005, April 14). Helicopter parents: The emotional toll of being too involved in your kid's life [Electronic version]. The Wall Street Journal, p. D1.

Young, J. (2003, August 15). A new take on what today's students want from college [Electronic version]. Chronicle of Higher Education, 42(21), A37.

Footnotes

1.

This document is FAR0091, one of a series of the Family Youth and Community Sciences Department, Florida Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida. Broadcast as program 498. Published March 2009. Reviewed March 2012. In the interest of time and/or clarity, the broadcast version of this script may have been modified. Visit the EDIS website at http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu.

2.

Suzanna Smith, associate professor, Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida, Gainesville, FL 32611.

The Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences (IFAS) is an Equal Opportunity Institution authorized to provide research, educational information and other services only to individuals and institutions that function with non-discrimination with respect to race, creed, color, religion, age, disability, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, national origin, political opinions or affiliations. For more information on obtaining other extension publications, contact your county Cooperative Extension service.

U.S. Department of Agriculture, Cooperative Extension Service, University of Florida, IFAS, Florida A. & M. University Cooperative Extension Program, and Boards of County Commissioners Cooperating. Nick T. Place, Dean.