University of FloridaSolutions for Your Life

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Publication #FAR3042

 

Getting Back to the Basics of a Healthy Marriage1

Eboni J. Baugh and Donna Davis2

Figure 1. 
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When I renewed my vows after ten years of marriage, I cried like a baby. I truly understood what it meant when I said "For better or for worse" this time! I had learned that getting through the day-to-day challenges of working and raising children could be very difficult. Navigating those trials isn't always easy, and many couples find themselves trapped in negative patterns of interaction when they don't know how to communicate about the demands of their lifestyle. However, it is possible to break those destructive cycles.

It's important to first identify negative patterns and destructive behaviors and target them for change. Marriage experts recommend a number of strategies to help turn a troubled marriage around. They suggest starting by mimicking the behaviors of premarital couples and newlyweds.

It is also important to eliminate criticism, but it is okay to complain! The problem with criticism is that it really is a personal attack on your partner. Instead, discuss your feelings about your partner's behavior that upsets you. Avoid blaming your partner, and take responsibility for your own actions. Rather than making excuses, apologize and correct your behavior if possible. Next, validate your partner and his or her feelings, thoughts, needs, and desires. Use reflective listening. Paraphrase what your partner has said and then respond to let them know you're listening and hearing them.

These actions can promote a healthy marriage, regardless of whether you're newlyweds or nearing your golden anniversary.

Listening, learning, and living together: it's the science of life. "Family Album" is a co-production of University of Florida IFAS Extension, the Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, and of WUFT-FM. If you'd like to learn more, please visit our website at http://www.familyalbumradio.org.

To listen to the radio broadcast:

http://www.radiosource.net/radio_stories/529.mp3

http://www.radiosource.net/radio_stories/529.wav

Reference

Baugh, E. J. (2006). Unhealthy marital interactions: what not to do and what can be done! (FCS2247). Gainesville: Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, Florida Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida. Retrieved September 26, 2006, from http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/FY847.

Footnotes

1.

This document is FAR3042, one of a series of the Family Youth and Community Sciences Department, Florida Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida. Broadcast as program 529. Published January 2007. Reviewed March 2012. In the interest of time and/or clarity, the broadcast version of this script may have been modified. Visit the EDIS website at http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu.

2.

Eboni J. Baugh, assistant professor, Department of Family, Youth and Community Sciences, Cooperative Extension Service, Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences, University of Florida, Gainesville FL 32611, and Donna Davis, senior producer, Family Album Radio.

The Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences (IFAS) is an Equal Opportunity Institution authorized to provide research, educational information and other services only to individuals and institutions that function with non-discrimination with respect to race, creed, color, religion, age, disability, sex, sexual orientation, marital status, national origin, political opinions or affiliations. For more information on obtaining other extension publications, contact your county Cooperative Extension service.

U.S. Department of Agriculture, Cooperative Extension Service, University of Florida, IFAS, Florida A. & M. University Cooperative Extension Program, and Boards of County Commissioners Cooperating. Nick T. Place, Dean.